As I ascended the grey stairway to the Customer Service Department, I couldn’t help but wonder how my victorious return would be celebrated. Would I get rapturous applause? Would they give me the corner cubicle with the view of the water cooler? Perhaps they’d bestow me with one of those shiny “employee of the month” trophies? I hope printer girl is there to see my triumphant return.
I’m actually pretty excited to get back to my old cubicle; I wonder who Eddie has been annoying since I haven’t been around.
I suppose the guys in the Customer Service Department would want a few words of acceptance, I should work on a speech.
As I turned the corner and entered the Customer Service Department everything seemed to be just as I left it… grey. No “Our Hero” banners, no decorations, no scantily clad maidens to nurse my battle scars.
I think they must be planning a surprise celebration. So I decided to take a seat inside my cubicle and at last I could see at least one thing that has changed… my pile of TPR reports has tripled in size!
I made a thorough inspection of my cubicle. No trophies, no certificates, not even so much as one of those magical sticky post-it thingies recognising my absence. Even my electronic mail had nothing of interest, just several hundred report requests, some photo’s of Doris’s cats in stupid clothes and a ominous sounding chain letter that promised to curse me with 10 years bad luck if I didn’t forward this to 100 other people.
About 2 hours later I finished sending the accursed chain letter to 100 other people. It took so long because I don’t actually know that many people so I had to make a few up. I hope the wizard who created this curse doesn’t find out that Ben Dover isn’t a real person.
I wondered when this surprise celebration was going to take place, when Eddie came by with his “World’s Greatest Lover” Chalice.
“Hi Eddie, it’s good to see you again!”
“What do you mean see you again?” he replied.
“I’ve been away the last 3 days… saving the company from a ferocious 8ft steroidal genius. I also managed to get the server back on line.”
“Oh, didn’t know you were gone”
The realisation that not only would my exploits go unrewarded, but that no one even knew I wasn’t at my desk for the past three days was not as much frustrating as it was depressing.
“Well, did I miss anything?” I asked.
“Doris, bought cake for one of her cat’s birthdays on Tuesday, it was delicious.”
F**k this place…time to start working names off “The List”