Chapter 9: Printer Goddess

Dear Journal

Today continues the longest day of my life. I am yet to sleep although I finished those *@#(@! TPR forms. I don’t even know what profanity that was; my body goes into such violent convulsions whenever I think about those…

I just awoke on the floor… I think the coffee spell just wore off. Wow I feel rough. I need to speak to Eddie about the side affects of this coffee elixir of his.

And that’s when I saw her… I don’t know who she is or why she had wondered into the customer services department, a mistake I hope would not cost her dearly. She was a goddess! She had long silky ebony hair that danced as she stood beneath the air duct. (Thank you evil wizard in the air duct)

She had curves in all the right places, and she bent over the printer her cleavage stared straight at me… I stared straight back as it seemed to be the gentlemanly thing to do. Her low cut top and short skirt seemed to scream “PROCEDE” but her accountant-like jacket and glasses seemed to say “But fill in a form first”.

I wanted nothing more than to speak to her, for it had been weeks since I had conversed with a human female, but I feared another coffee blackout and I was well aware of the fact that my deodorant enchantment had warn off ages ago.

Instead I snuck into Eddie’s cubicle unnoticed. I asked him who the enchantress at the printer was. He sipped back on his “World’s Greatest Lover” Chalice and said her name was Sally the printer girl.

GIRL?!?! I nearly jumped from my chair and strangled the insolent dwarf. She was no less a girl than a goddess! A vision sent from heaven above to guide this lonely traveller to Shangri-La, Valhalla or at the very least the Motel just off the M2.

“She’s from the printer company” he said. “She sells us ink and paper when the machine runs out”

I peered out from Eddie’s cubicle until he showed me a conveniently position “peep hole” that he had cut into the cubicle wall behind a hanging picture of his wife and dwarflets. Truly I can learn much from this man-dwarf… I suppose he didn’t win world’s greatest lover for nothing.

She stood up and neatly adjusted her hair as she walked down the corridor and out of the building. It was at this point that I promised to never wash my eyeballs ever again…

And as I sat in cubicle burning ream upon ream of printer paper and hiding litre upon litre of toner and ink in the air duct above me, I thought about printer girl and awaited her return…