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Chapter 30: Newbies are People Too

Dear Journal, now that my dad is out the way, hunting down the evil wizard in the air duct, this has given me a chance to get to know the new recruits a little better.

I started talking to the new guys about why they decided to work at Centrifico technologies and they all seemed to go into a trance and started reciting the same line “Centrifico Technologies is one of the leading technology firms in the world and was rated amongst the top employers to work for”. They then seemed to “snap out of it” and appeared confused as to where they were and what had just happened.

Strangely, no matter how much I asked the new guys about what their interests were and what they did for fun, they kept asking if this was in fact the best time to be talking about “non work related affairs” and it was then suggested that this conversation be postponed until a designated break period.

The astounding thing was that even though they had only been on the job for a few days, they had processed as many TPR forms as I could do in a month and to make matters worse they appeared to enjoy it. I’m starting to run out of work to give them and this is already after I made up the new “regulation” that these reports needed to be completed in triplicate and in three different languages. (I had originally told them four “different” languages till I was told by Charlie that “Spanish” and “Mexican” are the same language – smart ass).

I couldn’t seem to identify with these kids, until I finally made the starting realization that they must in fact be robots. They don’t appear to eat or take any breaks. I’ve never seen any of them ever go to the bathroom (not even to take a nap or avoid work for a half hour like a normal person) and the things these kids can do with a computer would put the molemen in the IT department to shame.

The only apparent positive coming from their robotic level of activity is that I have almost no work to do and the department is way ahead of schedule. This fact has not gone unnoticed and in true Centrifico Technology spirit, I am the one who is getting all the praise, despite the fact that I haven’t lifted a finger except to try and make more work for these little cyborgs.

I don’t know what it means, but Mr Berkley has invited me to a departmental golf day this Friday as a reward. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing, but hey, at least it’s not work.

 
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Posted by on October 3, 2011 in journal

 

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