I’ve slowly been working through these accursed TPR reports for the past few days with seemingly no end in sight. Every time I manage to finish 3 or 4; 10 or 12 new ones arrive for me to complete.
Everyone seems to be rushing through work to get to the Office Party which starts at 12 today. The theme is Caribbean Cruise which explains why everyone arrived at work today is swim shorts and bikini’s – I obviously missed that memo while I was away SAVING THE WORLD WITH NO RECOGNITION!
I appear to be the only one still dressed in a suit and tie. Oh and Doris, but thank all that is holy on this Earth that she decided not to wear a bikini. I have seen many horrible, frightful beasts in my day, but I fear these images would pale into insignificance in comparison to Doris in a bikini.
Better finish these reports.
It’s now 14h25 and I’m probably half way done with the reports. Thankfully since no one else is in the office the flow of new work seems to have stopped and I’m actually making headway. I decide that it might be worthwhile seeing how the party is going and so leave my desk to check out the Garden Level where the party is happening (cheap bastards).
When I arrived the first thing I noticed was how bored everyone looks sitting around several round tables dressed in their respective beach apparel. The dance floor is completely empty except for one of the guys from accounts who is prancing around shirtless with two drinks in each hand.
I felt completely out of place being the only one not dressed appropriately so I decided to take off my tie, roll up my sleeves and roll up my pants like some sort of shipwrecked businessman, a costume which I would have to explain to several people throughout the course of the party.
I make my way to the tables of food which were all elaborately decorated to look like we were on a tropical island. By that I mean everything had sand and bits of leaves in it. The food was also extravagantly named to hide the fact that it was just the regular swill we get served in the canteen everyday – just in miniature form.
It was nice to see the ogres who normally serve the food at the canteen dressed up as pirates and islanders, it made me forget that the “Spicy Island Surprise” was just the regular stew we get every third Tuesday of the month.
After having my fill of “Spicy Island Surprise”, “Treasure Trove Tacos” and “Pirate Pizza” I made my way to the bar to get myself a drink. A surly Piratical Bartender who looked a heck of a lot like Rudy the Janitor served me.
“What’ll it be me matey?” he asked in a humorous piratical accent.
“Just give me something strong without a crappy pirate or island name” I replied.
“Oh I’ve got just the thing for you” he said as he reached into his quite un-piratey looking blue overalls and pulled out a small purple bottle with a Smiley Face and Crossbones.
Thinking back I should’ve just ordered a “Bahaman Beer” but the festivities got the better of me and done the hatch went the little bottle of unknown liquid.
“Mmmmm tastes like cinnamon” and these were the last words I remember saying…