Today the entire office seems to be in a flutter of activity. All around there were Goblins, trolls and human beings, all running around frantically with boxes and files as if time were of the essence.
Dodging the human and inhuman traffic proved quite difficult as I sought some sort of explanation for the frenzy. As I stepped into Eddie, the coffee dwarf’s cubicle, I noticed even he, the “World’s Greatest Lover” was furiously working at the paper shredder, feeding it ream upon ream of paper. I wanted to stop him but he seemed in no mood to talk and besides his feverish paper destruction was sure to bring “printer girl” back to the office sooner.
I managed to hear amongst the cacophony and confusion an intercom message stating that “Mr Simmons” had entered the building. I had no idea who this “Mr Simmons” was, but it was certain that it was his arrival that had the office in total panic.
New plastic trees were brought in to replace the old one’s which somehow had wilted (it appears that the Customer Service Department is a toxic environment even for non-living creatures). Fresh coffee was brewed – although it seemed that no one dared touch it. It was either strictly for our ominous visitor, or no one knew what real coffee was supposed to smell like and didn’t notice it. I could see that Eddie was staring at the freshly percolated elixir, sweating profusely, more so than usual.
“Who is Mr Simmons” I whispered to Eddie. The office fell deathly silent except for the sound of shredding paper, before a wave of laughter flooded through the office. I had no idea what was so funny, but one thing I have learnt about corporate “life” is it is never good to be the only one who doesn’t understand the joke so I laughed along nervously on this wave like a clown fish in a shark tank (odd analogy I know).
Mr Berkley walked over to me and seemed as if he was about to give me a backhand with his greasy little imp-claw, which would’ve been great because I had already decided to kill him so I could have used this as an excuse for self defence.
But alas he simply walked me into the stationery cupboard and closed the door behind him. He explained to me that Mr Simmons was the Regional Director of Centrifico Industries and a thus a very important individual. After explaining further how important Mr Simmons’ arrival was and that I shouldn’t embarrass the department he proceeded to leave, but not before locking me in the stationery cupboard.
As I sat amongst pens, clipboards and several other pieces of ammunition for my cubicle traps, I listened to the muffled applause and forced laughter as Mr Simmons walked through the department. I hope for his own safety he doesn’t walk into my cubicle.
I may never get to meet this Mr Simmons but his power over everyone here and the sheer terror his mere mention brings is most enviable. I must learn the secret of his power, but not before I steal as much stationery as I can – especially those magical sticky “post-it” things.
It’s about 7pm and it has gone awfully silent, I hope they haven’t forgotten me in here.