Dear Journal, so after showing the new guys around the exciting features and monuments of our department it was time to give them their first assignments. Obviously some of them had heard that I was in charge of assignments as my desk was now cluttered by more than just the usual unfinished TPR forms, but with several gifts of chocolate.
I don’t know why they were trying so hard to impress me with these tokens (although I was not about to refuse any gift of chocolate) because there were no particularly good assignments.
To Charlie, I gave TPR forms to cross reference and alphabetize. To Rajeshevastetten…something (his name tag is so long I give up saying it about a third of the way in) I gave TPR forms to cross reference and alphabetize and to Cynthia I gave the task of double checking Charlie and Rajesheva…um, Rajesh’s work.
I couldn’t believe the excitement and fervor to which the three of them took on their new assignments, immediately calculating the most efficient way to handle the workload productively. They reminded me of myself, well except for the fact that I spent the first 3 months of my time here not knowing what the heck I was doing (and the next 6 months just pretending I knew). The truth was I was sort of upset to know that this excitement would soon wear off, as it does with everyone in the Customer Service Department (usually after a day or two in the Call Centre).
The task still remained of giving my dearest father an assignment that would have him out of the way and most importantly, too busy to be criticizing me, which was going to be difficult since he has been known to, at times when I was a child, sleep walk into my room and criticize me while he was sleeping. The doctors called it “sleepcritting” and supposedly he was the first and only known person to suffer from it. He patently denies it even after watching the Discovery Channel episode starring him, although he does still accept the donations from the sleep disorder support group that was founded.
Regardless I decided to tell him about the Wizard in the Air duct above my cubicle and how success could only be accomplished by someone with his “amazing talents” (luckily he hasn’t heard of sarcasm – a skill I have learned to excel at here at Centrifico Technologies).
Faster than I could delegate a TPR form to Charlie or Rajesh, he was collecting supplies from the stationery cupboard, fashioning makeshift weaponry and preparing himself for his mission.
I don’t know if the air duct Wizard exists or not, but if he does he is about to meet a very nasty surprise…