Monthly Archives: April 2011

Chapter 2: Meeting the Boss

Dear Journal

So I waited for several ours at my cubicle for “the Boss” to arrive, and when he did I was most uninspired. I expected no less a man than a giant, dressed in all his battle hardened yet polished armour. I imagined he would speak only in poetic verse, each word more powerful than the last, like some sort of word- Pyramid where the strong words would bully the smaller words beneath them.

What I was introduced to was some sort of imp-like creature named Mr Berkley, his only distinguishing feature was a distinct lack of any distinction. He offered me his claw in a gesture of what I can only assume is friendship, or in order to implant some sort of parasite beneath my skin – will have to see if any infection develops.

He explained to me that he had been working here at Centrifico Technologies for 15 years and that one day if I was lucky I would have his job. I wasn’t sure if this was meant to encourage me or warn me. He then proceeded to talk about his family, I listened intently as I knew very little of imp lore, but after the first 3 hours my eyes started to glaze over, much like Eddie, the coffee dwarf. I kept checking my hand for parasites, which I think started to unnerve him.

I asked him if he was in charge of the organisation at which point he laughed and explained to me that he was one of 3 managers in the customer service department who reported to several senior managers in this department which in turn was just one of 10 and that each of these 10 departments reported to a director who in turn reported to a Vice President who then presented to the Board, headed by the chairman who answered to the Global Board, run by the Global CEO. At which point I realised that my boss was far less important than he initially led me to believe.

Despite my every desire to run him through with my fountain pen, I managed to subdue these desires long enough for him to leave. Not killing this imp-man is going to prove to be quite a challenge indeed.

I asked him what exactly my quest entailed and explained to me that the world of customer service analytics is as exciting as it is dynamic, although he said these words in a hypnotic trance-like manner as if he were reading it off a banner behind me or was possessed by an evil wizard, perhaps the same one I heard in the air duct earlier.

He presented me with a monolithic sized book entitled “the basics of customer service” and was told to make sure I knew the contents backwards – this may prove to be quite challenging. He said that if I ever had any problems with the work I should just ask someone else.

I was then told to chat to Pamela in HR about the induction program, which would take me through the “in’s” and “out’s” of corporate structure. He then left saying “keep up the good work” what work he was referring to exactly I’m not sure.

I still have no idea what it is I am expected to do here


Posted by on April 14, 2011 in journal


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Chapter 1: First day at Work

Dear Journal

 So today is the first day of my new quest, very excited indeed. The lady at the employment agency said my title was Assistant Customer Services Analyst at Centrifico Technologies, despite my specific request for the title of Head Paladin or Knight, hell I’d even settle for Battle Mage. Alas times are tight and mead and wenches don’t come for free (and some of the wenches don’t come at all – but that is another quest). I’m not quite sure what an Assistant Customer Services Analyst does exactly, I may have to consult the sorcerer Google or the maiden Pamela from HR.

When I first arrived at the fortress they gave me a strange luminous T-shaped garment and a cap both stating my love for Centrifico Technologies. What form of protection this armour would serve seemed limited, but I could only assume that they must have had some magical properties which my employers deemed requisite for the quest I would be bestowed.

The security at the fortress is completely inadequate, firstly the entire building appears to be made of glass and the guards are not even armed, not so much as a sabre or axe. The only form of barrier protecting us from the ravenous hordes is a 6 foot plastic boom gate which is lifted using some sort of magic card. But if these cards were to fall into the wrong hands, I fear that the fortress would fall soon after. I discussed my concerns with one of the guards who said I should “log a call with employee services”, I wasn’t certain what this meant, an ancient riddle no doubt.

I was then led to “my station” which continued the in the trend of poorly fortified structures. It was a grey three walled construction with my name on the outside, that didn’t stop any of the other employees from simply walking in and introducing themselves. I fear that when the great magic boom gate falls to the horde they will simply walk into my station, thankfully some fool has misspelled both my name and surname so hopefully this will confuse the invading horde long enough for me to escape or else I will have to introduce them to my axe, but in the meantime I think I should set up some sort of defence – that stapler on my desk could come in handy and I’ve heard rumours of a “paper shredder” that could turn the tide in battle.

One of my fellow employees is a strange man, with glazed over eyes, named Eddie I think he may be descended from dwarves – fat ones. He is stationed in the box next to mine; I worry that he will not be able to provide much support in the upcoming battles, but will try learn his dwarven secrets in the mean time. He offered me a dark elixir he calls “coffee” and told me to wait for “the Boss”. I declined the drink for fear of poison – you never can trust a dwarf.

Despite the heat outside it is unnervingly cold in here, I smell dark magic. I think I heard a wizard in the air duct above my station – I might need that paper shredder sooner than expected.

But for now I sit and wait… for “the Boss” perhaps he will explain my purpose here.


Posted by on April 11, 2011 in journal


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